- Improves Communication
- Renews Intimacy
- Deters Infidelity
- Helps With Climax
- Solidifies Connection
- Stops Nagging
- Relieves Sexual Frustration
- Helps With Premature Ejaculation
- Solves Routine
- Improves Self Confidence
It happens in any relationship. Eventually, our love lives fall into a routine, and the magical mystery that once made you tingle when you were together has faded away in the passing of time. That’s OK. You can’t have magic every day. The trouble that most couples deal with, however, is trying to call the magic back once the years have passed. Bringing the routine out of your sex life can be harder than you think. After all, if the rest of our life remains routine, how can the sex life change? More and more, couples are finding out that without a satisfying sex life, the relationship can slowly erode. A frustrated partner is far less likely to communicate openly and intimately about their emotions. A couple that can talk less openly will feel less connected to each other. And the steady erosion of their partnership continues to dismantle.
Other couples may not call themselves sexually frustrated, but just… plateaued. A sexual plateau will not necessarily be toxic to the relationship, but it can weaken the commitment to each other. While many couples can live out their relationship in a sexual plateau, I’m here to tell you that your electrifying sexual experiences are just ahead of you. Best of all, your wildest sexual fantasies are waiting for you to explore, all in the safety of your loving relationship.
If you follow any blogs on relationship advice, you’ve probably read more than one article on how fantasy and role-play brings electricity to sex. Thanks to “50 Shades of Grey” the secret is out, and couples are more and more becoming curious and comfortable with a little kink in their sexuality. Role-play not only helps to add kink to your love life, but it can also add the “connect” to your sex. Using fictional characters and unlikely scenarios open the gates of your imagination to creatively make a connection with your lover that you would not have experienced in your routine life.
These connections light up the most powerful sex organs we have, our brain. There is no more powerful aphrodisiac than our brains. Routine sex relies little on mental activity and mostly on physical stimuli. Without the emotional side of sex, climax can be hard reaching. Fantasy or not, your sexual encounters will carry into your real life as an emotional bond. Couples will experience dramatically improved satisfaction in their partnership. One that communicates intimately cooperates as a team and is once again magnetizing to each other.
The key to success in any relationship
Almost all problems within our relationship are manageable if you have the proper skills to communicate. The real issue within many relationships, however, is a lack of communication skills. For some, it can take years of arguments and resentment before a couple finally learns the healing and growth potential of active communication.
If you were to look for role-playing as a tool outside of the bedroom, you would likely find it in the therapist’s office. Role-play has groundbreaking effects on family and couples therapy. Members who use role-play will gain insight into themselves and others. Learning to be more sensitive to the positions of others and experience perspective and sensitivity follows. Many therapists are offering role play as a tool for helping people to open a line of communication when it can’t be made at home. This isn’t exactly how role-play in the bedroom is going to help your communication. Using it in the bedroom will open your communication skills in other ways too.
A New Dimension Of Trust
When you confess a sexual fantasy to your lover, you are unveiling a new vulnerability about yourself. Talking openly about your sexual fantasies and arousal will bring new dimensions to your trust in each other. Couples who have confessed their sexual secrets to their partner will find that talking about other subjects is not so hard anymore. Choosing to explore role play with each other requires a lot to be discussed together. To be successful at role-play, you have to be open about what you like or dislike in the bedroom, how your roles made you feel, and how to prepare for the big night.
Cоmmunісаtіоn undоubtеdlу plays a fоundаtіоnаl rоlе іn thе dеvеlорmеnt оf аnу hеаlthу rеlаtіоnѕhір, аnd it оftеn serves to bridge the gap between people with misunderstandings, оr to ѕоlіdіfу a mutuаl ѕеnѕе оf commitment. Indeed, communication рlауѕ a сrіtісаl rоlе іn аll рhаѕеѕ of іntеrреrѕоnаl rеlаtіоnѕ, frоm іnсіріеnсе tо maintenance. Adding role-play to your relationship opens the doors to a lot of conversation topics. And using role-play to develop your sexual behaviours together will inevitably make you strong communicators and partners in life.
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Long term relationships will teach you that intimacy is more than just sex. And that sex needs to be more than just a physical connection to be satisfying. Intimacy is one of the major ingredients that build a solid foundation for couples to stand together on. When the relationship is under stress, it is the bonds and connections we’ve shared that give us the support we need to stay committed. Without an emotional foundation to stand upon, we become at risk of falling away into separation.
When the relationship is new, sexual excitement mimics intimacy and couples can easily feel connected. As time moves on, sexual excitement merges into a private understanding of our partner I believe is called intimacy. It is the collaboration between emotional and sexual connections that set your relationship apart from others that define your intimacy. Sexual connection is well known to be a form of emotional connection when love and trust are involved. Participating in a shared fantasy is a unique and fresh way to bring love and trust into sex and connection. We all have our own unique terms that contribute to our level of arousal. Some of you may not even have discovered all of them for yourself yet. It’s a very discrete subject.
Revealing and exploring this subject with your loved one will form a bond of trust and understanding that no one else shares. Confiding in a sexual fantasy requires understanding and emotional support from your partner. Couples who can experiment with sexual role-play will gain insight into their sexual selves and their relationship as a couple.
Acting out your partner’s sexual fantasies makes you a more trusted and satisfying partner. Not just in the bedroom either. This newfound cooperation will carry well into the rest of the relationship. Partners who are satisfied with each other will happily return the gratitude wither it’s in the bedroom, around the house or with the family. Knowing that you have a partner that understands and supports your sexual fantasies is a very satisfying thing.
Most couples who have experienced infidelity in their relationship will tell you that recovering from it was the hardest challenge they have ever accomplished. Very commonly, someone who has cheated on their partner ends up regretting it shortly after. Their moment of weakness realized after a long and steady sexual rut between them has left one of them either putting emotional energy into someone else or just letting the concrete foundation of commitment slip out from under them. Without an emotional and sexual connection with your lover, the odds of infidelity increase.
Of course, everyone at some time or another will find other people entering their sexual fantasies. Experiencing occasional arousal from illicit fantasies is okay. Having a solid intimate connection with your lover is what makes the difference between fantasy and infidelity.
Couples who participate in each other’s sexual fantasies involve communicating, trust and understanding, growth and connection. These relationship dynamics are fundamental to surviving the long term. Role-play teaches you how to embrace these dynamics, and together you will learn to become a more trusted and satisfying partner. Most couples reserve their sexual fantasies for a person other than their lover. Mystery and taboo may be compelling reasons for other people in your fantasy.
But don’t be surprised if you soon find yourself fantasizing about your own lover. After all, there is nothing more satisfying than having a partner who is not only the love of your life but also the object of your fantasies. Couples who can include communication and connection as part of the daily life will sense safety and trust in each other. And that is where the foundation of intimate connection is built.
How many couples who are asked about when they had great sex together, refer to the earlier days? It actually makes a lot of sense why the earlier times together held more passion and stimulating sex. When you are in a new relationship, there is a vast amount of mystery and surprise you encounter. Things are more unassuming and therefore more stimulating. When you had your first kiss, there was a tingle and rush that is very hard to replicate over and over again. The mystery and suspense that filled your brain before the kiss slowly become replaced by assumption as the same kiss is repeated over the many years.
What many couples do not realize is that during the early days of great sex, they were stimulating more than one sexual organ. Believe it or not, our brain is the biggest, most powerful sexual organ. Over the years, it gets neglected more and more. This leaves the sexual response to rely on stimulating the genitals only for sex. Naturally, climaxing is harder to come by without being mentally aroused. There is really no greater aphrodisiac than a sexual thought. Don’t be discouraged if sexual thoughts aren’t your thing. Many people who rarely have sexual urges but engage in foreplay anyways quickly discover that turning on their spouse is arousing in itself. Win-win. Being mentally aroused will greatly increase your sexual state and enhance your encounter with your partner.
The electrifying quality that role play brings to the bedroom all boils down to the simple truth that we are stimulating our minds as well as our genitals. Good role play incorporates anticipation, improvisation, and surprise. Fabricated scenarios are great ways to escape the expected roles we’ve already seen. Lovers can use the roles to become uninhabited and unassuming. We start producing feel-good hormones and neurochemicals which inspire bonding emotions of attachment and affection.
The mental foreplay combined with the visual pleasantries is a fast track to finding the mind-blowing sex you once knew. Maybe you haven’t even experienced it yet. Experimenting with your foreplay and fantasies will reveal to you things you may not even be aware of yet. Discovering what turns each other is not only incredibly fun, it will calibrate your sexual preferences together. Soon your sex will be a custom-crafted partnership of your own personal details to arousal. When a couple uses role-play with sex, new toys and positions are more easily introduced. This allows you to explore a new and improved way to climax. One study of 212 married women found that sex fantasies help many women achieve sexual arousal and/or orgasm during sexual intercourse. [p416 Human Sexuality (fifth edition)]
Connections are the genesis of every relationship
When two people share an interest that is mutual, they feel a connection that fosters emotions of bonding. Connections are anything from sharing a sense of humour, to common traits or interests, and experiences. Every relationship either for business, romance, or friendship relies on support and the strength of these connections. Either way, it’s the mutual interest that draws us in and magnetizes us to each other. These forces of connection are always strong in the early phases of a relationship. They are new and stimulating so we respond more emotionally to them, and that’s enjoyable to our brains. A stimulating connection feels good because it activates a lot of our brain and that’s good for health.
Endorphins trigger a sense of well-being and positive response. When we look forward to something, we feel anticipation for it. That’s another positive activity for your brain as it stimulates our imagination and energy levels. Anticipation becomes motivation. That daily bit of energy you get because you are looking forward to something helps. It makes a daily workout, or healthy eating, for example, that much easier.
When connections fade, we struggle to bond
Over time those connections become well known and new ones pop up less and less. When things become too familiar and routine, the emotional magnet is not as strong. Affection and appreciation can fall to the wayside once couples stop making connections regularly.
states, “Frequently, couples come into counselling feeling lonely and disconnected. They tell me that they don’t talk or connect much during an average day. I think this is a real issue, but their thresholds for what they consider “connected” may not be reasonable. When you’re not in the honeymoon stage anymore and instead in “monogamy,” it’s tough to feel that spark”– www.huffingtonpost.com – 100 little ways to connect intimately with your partner.
Connection with a partner is a universal desire among all people, and it is a blessing to those that have found it. We all want to feel an emotional attachment to someone we love. If we let our engagements become routine, we risk extinguishing the flame that once burned so easily. Hence millions of couples are seeking some sort of support for keeping our connections fresh. It’s clear to see that advice for improved sex life is popular with long term couples.
When we make mental connections alongside intimate sexual experiences, they become emotional super-bonds
Sharing a fantasy scenario can be a creative way to experience those types of connections more frequently. Reaffirming your love for each other as you each share a new experience and grow deeper in appreciation for one another
“Play is one of the most effective tools for keeping relationships fresh and exciting. Playing together brings joy, vitality, and resilience to relationships. Play can also heal resentments, disagreements, and hurts. Through regular play, we learn to trust one another and feel safe. Trust enables us to work together, open ourselves to intimacy, and try new things. By making a conscious effort to incorporate more humour and play into your daily interactions, you can improve the quality of your love relationships” – www.helpguide.org – benefits of play for adults
Role-play is all about connection. Romance is all about connection. Before you became an item, your connections are what attracted you to each other. Even tho role-play is fantasy; you still get to make connections with your lover. Fantasy or not, they allow you to experience the romance that drew you together.
Finding new and creative ways to make a romantic connection is one of the joys of role-play. Each role-play has elements of yourselves within the scenario. And that is why the benefits of role-play carry into your personal lives as well. The trust and intimacy build from your connections can keep you both firmly grounded in your relationship with each other. Emotional bonds are some of the strongest forces we experience in our lives. Music stirs our emotions, and that’s why we draw to it. Role-play can also stir your emotions, making it pleasurable to play as well. With a little creativity, you can use role-play to connect with your lover well beyond the honeymoon years. We recommend that sexual fantasies be enjoyed slowly. They are most emotionally charged when they exist as a treat to share, and not a smorgasbord.
Don’t let routine disappointment take you hostage.
Nagging is also deemed as the “marriage killer.” It is a common symptom of the day to day life between couples. Nagging’s toxic property is due to the spiral effect of receiving resentment from your partner. And then feeling and sending resentment back. This unwanted tennis match commonly carries on until the relationship folds. To resolve nagging in a relationship, couples will want to discover new positive ways of communicating. An approach to talking openly is the first step to working together. Most couples will try next to make a compromise for the other. This is not a win for either of you. It feels like a far cry from an intimate connection. A more “intimate friendly” answer is through discovering an appreciation for one another.
Learn To Appreciate Your Partner Instead
Appreciation is the exact opposite of resentment. When you feel appreciation for your partner, it’s a tennis match that feels good to play. Wanting to be an equal player, you’ll feel more inclined to return the feelings of gratitude by any way possible. And a spiral that goes up is much better.
Engaging in a sexual fantasy with your partner reinforces trust and attachment in a way that is unique to others. When communication and co-operation lead to a deeper sexual or emotional connection, that in return creates an appreciation for another. Participating in fantasy is not just an act of physical satisfaction, it’s a gift that you can give to your partner. The dopamine and oxytocin produced during lovemaking are the same powerful hormones that were produced when you were initially attracted to each other. These magnetizing feelings, aka “cuddle hormones” are just the juices needed to keep a relationship running smoothly.
Using role-play to grow together builds a foundation of intimacy, that is grounding and affirming. With something solid to stand upon, each partner will be more invested in one another. The little things are more easily overcome. Studies have shown that healthy relationships generally have sexual connections included alongside an emotional connection.
7. Sexual Frustration
Sexual frustration is more common than you think
The life of a marriage counsellor would be a lot easier if couples would just marry someone with a matching libido to theirs. This, however, is rarely the case and counsellors everywhere are busy tending to the many challenges that a marriage with a mismatched libido brings. Best-selling author of The Sex-Starved Marriage, Michele Weiner Davis is also a world-renowned speaker and coach in marriage therapy,
“I’ve been a marriage therapist for two decades…I’ve had a birds eye view of what truly happens to marriages in which one spouse has little or no desire for sex and the other yearns for it desperately. I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that a marriage void of sexuality and intimacy is a marriage doomed to fail”
Experts estimate that one in every three married couples face challenges associated with a mismatched libido. Feelings of rejection, disappointment and anger spill into the relationship once sexual frustration can no longer be ignored. Negative emotions from both spouses create tension, and the relationship becomes noncollaborative. If a couple is not able to make some sort of emotional and intimate connection, there is no forgiveness and healing. The negativity accumulates. A healthy marriage is able to fight about anything, and then make up shortly after. Not all conflict can be resolved and that’s OK.
This ritual of forgiveness allows us to emotionally heal and reconnect. A couple that lacks sexual connection has deprived these opportunities to heal and connect. For the low libido spouse, it may seem as if their lover wants sex too much. This can easily be the case since one is needing sex to be an emotional connection, and the other is having sex unemotionally. This can leave both parties unsatisfied and the attempt is repeated over and over.
Make a plan to have quality sex
Incorporating a fantasy role-play into your sexual relationship can alleviate sexual frustration in many forms. As Michele Weiner Davis describes in her book, feelings of arousal commonly come out once the sex is underway. Not necessarily beforehand.
So planning ahead to make a sexual commitment to each other washes away any need to rely on perfect timing. And with a special date in mind, there is no anxiety about expecting sex and feeling disappointment when nothing happens. The high libido spouse can rest easy knowing that a collaborative sexual experience is worth waiting for vs. another merciful surrender from their partner.
Sexual encounters can be something that they learn to savour instead and may actually want to decrease the frequency of sex choosing quality over quantity. As for the low libido spouse, they are likely to find that their own sexuality is something they know little about. Role-play gives couples the opportunity to actually learn what their own personal arousals are. Once couples truly learn about their own and their lover’s sexual interests, sexual foreplay becomes more meaningful and emotionally connected.
8. Premature Ejaculation
This is one of the most common sexual problems that men face in their lifetime. While the direct cause and exact treatment is still not well understood, there are well-known ways to battle the condition. Among all the methods, foreplay remains the most effective way of deterring an unsatisfying and abrupt end to your sexual encounters. A sexual fantasy is an excellent way to add arousing foreplay to prolong the experience. Here’s how role play will benefit the sexual experience.
- It can increase her arousal level- A man’s state of arousal generally lies in the visual realm. A woman’s, however, will become more aroused when her brain is actively involved in the exchange. Romance, connection, and interaction are all powerful ways to increase a woman’s level of excitement. Using fantasy scenarios is a fast track method to arousing a woman to a state that’s on par with her man. Many women also comment that they get aroused just by knowing that they are arousing their partner. And that’s why lingerie is so effective at getting men and women in the mood. The visuals stimulate one partner and seeing this stimulates the other. Wearing sexy lingerie can generate sexual energy from two different perspectives.
- Reduce performance anxiety –Because premature ejaculation is associated with infrequent sex, men with a low frequency of sex often get extra excited and aroused, which can manifest as performance anxiety. Role-play can bring about an increase in your sexual frequency. A well-planned scenario can create an environment that allows you to remain calm and relaxed. Focusing on the role will help to put at ease the task of performing physically and reduce anxiety.
- Extend Foreplay –This is easy. Adding foreplay to sex takes the pressure away from having staying power. Less intercourse and more playtime is key to delaying his orgasm and enticing hers. Foreplay is known to increase sexual desire for both parties. This balanced playing field can alleviate Performance anxiety and stall premature ejaculation
If you drink alcohol, then definitely consider adding some drinks. We’ve all heard the term “whiskey dick.” It’s no secret that alcohol can reduce your ability to perform sexually. If you are careful not to overdo the use of alcohol in your scenario, the effects of a few drinks can dramatically counteract premature ejaculation.
When relationships become long-term, things can get well…Routine.
Stuck in a Rut? I know the feeling. We all get there right? It’s hard to keep the balance of life and keep things fresh. The daily familiarity can sap your energy up making it harder to achieve your goals. Eventually, we get sidetracked and fall away from experiencing things anew. Of course, not all routine is bad. Like exercise for example. That’s a routine we wish for right? Well, I have some good news.
Role play scenarios can help you develop some good routines while squashing a few bad ones
When you as a couple make a commitment to each other to participate in a sexual experience, you’ve just created a personal and secret bond between the two of you. Choosing plenty of time to prepare for a scenario is time well spent. Goals are healthy for relationships. Take the time in between your scenarios to achieve some goals together. It may be to eat healthier, work out together or just connect.
Here’s a list of why this routine is good for bad routine
1. You’ll want to exercise
News flash: having sex is good for health. Ya ya…I don’t need to tell you about the physical benefits of sex and orgasms. We are all well versed in the latest claims regarding sex and increased health. What you may be interested to know is that there are health benefits to role-play that will come to play, if you’re playing…
Let me explain.
From that moment you’ve just made plans, there is some anticipation in your mind. I’m not talking about anxiety, I’m referring to the feel-good buzz of looking forward to something. This triggers your brain to feel good. The hormones will pleasant your mood and add the desire to connecting with your lover. An inside joke or a knowing smirk between each other will remind you that you have something special together. As part of your preparation for your fantasy event, it is enjoyable for many to exercise together if that’s your thing.
Doing a small daily workout together deepens the emotional connection as you enjoy your teamwork.
A daily jog, a CrossFit class, yoga, your diet, whatever it is, making a strategy together to improve your health before the event, adds significant mental and physical attraction between each other. Those feel-good hormones in our brain can dramatically improve your energy levels during workout and commitment in general. It’s a win all around so high fives to that.
2. You’ll make time to connect
Sharing a sexual fantasy is something that is intimately personal both sexually and emotionally. The weeks and days leading up to the event are filled with anticipation and excitement. A simple love note, a text or small surprise gifts are all ways you’ll enjoy sharing the anticipation. Taking some time together each day to talk or make some sort of connection will develop confidence and willingness for the big night.
Sexual gratitude is not something couples are very aware of until they experience it. Many marriages who struggle with an emotional connection are also suffering from a lack of sex. One partner may feel there is an emotional void while the other feels there is a sexual void. The cycle repeats itself. Sexual gratitude breaks that cycle because the sexual partner can now relate sex to emotional bids. When they are receiving what they view as emotional bids, they will return those bids with emotional attention too. With the balance of sexual and emotional bids restored, couples can go back to living out their relationship feeling like a team.
3. You’ll want to live healthier
Need a good reason to stop eating junk food? That new lingerie you bought for him might be good motivation. Keep in mind that sexiness is not so much about how you look. It has to do with how you feel. And you might not feel so sexy if you know you’ve been eating junk and drinking beer all month. I’m not trying to tell you that role play will eliminate your bad diet. I’m suggesting that you could both decide to refrain from alcohol and junk food for the month prior to your event. That way you’ll be going into your role feeling like you’ve made some improvements, and that’s pretty sexy.
4. You’ll stop lusting after others
You know the phrase, “The grass is always greener on the other side”? Have you heard, “The grass is greener where you water it”? Sometimes we may notice someone attractive and we let lustful thoughts enter our head. It’s not uncommon or wrong to have sexual thoughts about other people. But if you let lust dominate your emotions, you may be having an emotional affair. Even if nothing physical takes place your emotional interest is damaging your marriage.
Let me give you a personal example of how role-play has virtually eliminated my lustful thoughts. I used to joke to people that my wife and I are into S&M, “she SLEEPS and I MASTURBATE” A relatable and funny joke. Pornography gave me a skewed vision of what to expect from sex. Meeting an attractive person on the street would spark lustful thoughts into my head. One day I bumped into a particularly attractive person and felt lustful. But then something powerful happened. I thought back to my night of fantasy sex that we shared a while back. My wife had given me something that no other person could replicate. And that simple reflection of what we have together is more attractive to me than anything else. When I asked myself, “What would you prefer, this lustful thought or your incredible wife who actually is your fantasy?” It was easy to reject any lustful thoughts from then on. My emotional energy is focused on her alone. I had realized that green grass is not something to fantasize about. It’s something I should grow for myself.
5. You’ll take more vacations
We all desire more vacation time, don’t we? A break from routine agendas. If you live in an urban area then you may notice a few extra hotel bookings during role play. You won’t need extra time off for these vacations or extensive travel plans either. Your local hotels are great opportunities for a staycation.
Role-play scenarios offer up new ways to experience your own city. Sites like Socialshopper and Groupon will be great resources to getting the best deals on restaurants, hotels, and activities in your local area. Turn any regular weekend into a staycation experience. There’s probably lots to see and do in your own town if you just had good reason to do it. (Like booking a local hotel) Your weekend long disappearing act into fantasy role-play scenarios can alleviate that feeling of routine life.
Don’t want a staycation? No problem. There’s an infinite amount of ways to make your role-play scenario a travel experience. Vacation resorts are fertile ground for role play. In a resort environment, you are both free to play your roles without any fear of being recognized. There are romantic Villas in Bali you can transform into fantasy Villas. There are even specialty resorts like Desire Resorts that offer Adult Only comforts. Book a week-long cruise and play around with your fantasies in and around the privacy of your own ship cabin. The possibilities are everywhere.
10. Self Confidence
Using Roles To Gain Self-Confidence
When a partner is asked to role-play, they might feel anxious that they won’t be sexy enough. They fear they could end up being inadequate to perform like a fantasy character. Being explicit with your body is something you may be shy about. Just remember that far lesser people have felt sexier than you. It’s a state of mind. If you feel sexy, your lover will recognize this which heightens sexual energy. If you’re shy about your body then make sure to keep your costumes and character to a level that’s comfortable for you. As you become more comfortable with role play, your experience with roles will be milestones in gaining self-confidence.
Assuming a role that you can act confidently allows you to sample something new. You will be sharing your own free therapy session of becoming a more confident person. Just as the young child is a make-believe doctor saving lives. You are both essentially sampling something that is out of reach. We are genetically hardwired to seek pleasure within the realm of the unattainable. This key development early in our lives is what makes us constantly evolve into something better. Without our desire to be something more, we would not progress forward. The same can be said for your relationship. Couples who share fantasy tend to have more solid and satisfying relationships. Experimenting with fictional characters will boost your Self-Confidence and ability to develop something new.